Saturday, May 17

Warm-up
500m row row (legs)
400m row (back)
300m row (arms)
500m row (everything)

3x
5 dips
10 rollovers
20 walking lunges

Workout:
4x
4 shoulder presses
15 GH sit-ups
20 1-legged squats

This was just a completely horrible workout day for me.  Having watched everyone doing a fantastic job of the Helen, you’d *think* I would have been inspired.  Alas, not the case.

I should have known, even before I left, that my brain was turned off.  I couldn’t get dressed.  I put on my top, which started rolling itself up as I put it over my head, taking my hair with it.  It was completely tied up.  Given the cavalier attitude about clothes at PF I figured that I might be able to get away with it during workout, but how would I explain driving semi-topless if I got stopped by the police?  It wouldn’t be easy. 

Finally got that handled.  I’m not even going to ATTEMPT to describe the whole 5-fingers thing.  Let’s just say that, at some point, I gave up and resorted to regular shoes. 

As for my workout, I’m just going to hope that the whole pathetic thing will just be a distant memory very soon.  Not a good workout showing.  Bah.

Wednesday, May 15
Warmup:
1500 m row
3x:
10 pull-ups (purple band)
10 squats

Workout:
Max reps push presses (15# d-bells) - 40
3x
400 m row
15 deadlifts (85#)

Max reps push presses - 36

Time:  17:47

My last workout before I retire!  I fully expect that next week will see a new, revitalized me.  Suddenly, all of these exercises will seem ridiculously easy and I will breeze through each and every workout.

Right.  Look, it is *my* fantasy, and I’d really appreciate not having my happy little bubble burst, if you don’t mind.  Reality is overrated.  I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy.

At the very least, I would hope that my nasty thoughts about Becca (particularly after she’s said, “Yes!  That looks like a good weight for you, Cindy” and I’m fighting just to get the last few in each set - obviously we have differing definitions of what a “good” weight is) will diminish.  Pleasant, charitable thoughts will flow through my mind.  No longer will I glare evilly through the tangled, sweaty mess of my hair; I will be smiling and happy to be working out with such fantastic people, and my beaming, beatific face will be an inspiration to all.

HAHAHAHA!  Yeah.  Not gonna happen.  Sounded pretty good there for a minute, though.

Sunday, May 11
Warmup:
1500 m row
3x:
5 push-ups (from toes!)
15 arch-rocks
20 walking lunges

Workout:
21-15-9
OH Squats (22# bar)
Pull-ups (purple band)
Kettle bell swings (yellow band)
V-sit medicine ball twists (12#)

Time:  17:57

10 slingshots
50 one-footed medicine ball catches

Hint of the Day:  Never, EVER show any signs of weaknesses to those who are creating the workout.  Because I GUARANTEE they will spend an inordinate amount of time focusing *just on that weak spot*.  If you have (hypothetically speaking) strained your calf, and you have (hypothetically speaking) much weaker muscles on the right (hypothetically speaking) side, the workout will, without a doubt, be skewed to that hypothetically bad right leg.  Even when there isn’t really a good way to emphasize this hypothetical right side weakness, they will devise evil, wicked ways of adapting a perfectly pleasant, innocent exercise (for hypothetical purposes, let’s call them “medicine ball catches”) and make you stand on just the one hypothetically bad leg.

*brightening up* On the other hand (leg?), I spent my last formal staff meeting today entirely balanced on my right foot, in order to strengthen my not-so-hypothetically weak right leg.  It is interesting to note that NOT ONE member of my staff asked why I was standing on one leg.  That is either a reflection of them or me… I’m not sure which I prefer.

Saturday, May 10
Warmup:
1500 m row
3x:
10 push-ups with stability roll
15 ab-mat situps
20 walking lunges

Workout:
4x
6 shoulder presses (60#)
6 pistols (each side)

20 slingshots

This was one hour of pure, unadulterated agony.  The workout itself was bad enough, but I had no energy at all.  Evidently, along with the “not sleeping” thing, I’m now “not eating”.  I forgot to eat on Friday.  Not “oh, I ate bad food”, but… didn’t eat.  You gotta ask yourself, what kind of special stupid do you have to be to forget to eat?!?

So, sweating and swearing, I made it through four rounds.  Somehow.  But it was all totally worth it afterward.

Wednesday, May 7
Warmup:
1500 m row
5x:
5 sit-ups
5 push-ups
5 pull-ups (purple band, no breaks)

Workout:
21-15-9-15-21
65# deadlifts
Dips (purple band)

Cooldown:
Shoulder presses – 6 reps of 65#

Everyone else was doing 21-15-9 with cleans, but since I still don’t have any spring in my calf, I stuck with deadlifts, which are much faster.  I finished well ahead of everyone and decided to continue by working my way back up the number chain.  Of course, halfway through the second 15, I began to regret my decision, but I’d already told myself I’d do it, so I finished.  Aren’t I smarter than this?

And then decided to do a few shoulder presses, since the bar was already at 65#, anyway.

Seriously, you’d think I’d be smarter, wouldn’t you?

Felt pretty good doing the 65# presses, although the last few were definitely a struggle.

I’m actually amazed that I’m improving; with my poor eating and sleeping habits right now, my body has to be completely trashed.  Since I’m moving soon, I’m busily eating everything that I *won’t* be able to get after I move, which means I’m carefully and selectively ingesting nothing even remotely healthy.  I briefly considered doing my own Nutrition Log, just to see if I could incite a coronary in anyone simply from reading what I’ve been eating lately. 

Fortunately I’m making up for the lousy nutritional intake by not sleeping, either. 

Really, I *am* smarter than this.

Tuesday, May 6
Very quick warm-up
3x
10 push-ups
20 sit-ups
30 squats

I’m retiring in a month – and starting to realize the enormity of this decision, as well as the vast number of tasks that have to be completed before I leave.  YIKES!  So, before settling down to tackle some of these things last night, I thought it might be fun to do just a very quick warm-up. 

*blink*

Did I really think that?  That it would be “fun” to do 60 sit-ups, 30 push-ups and 90 squats?

Indeed I did.  That’s precisely the thought that went through my brain.

While I grant that it was, in fact, more “fun” than the rest of the things I accomplished, it was certainly nowhere near what I would have thought of as “fun” about 3 months ago.

I’m torn between being highly elated and greatly disturbed that I’m enjoying this.

Sunday, May 4
Warmup
500m row (legs)
400m row (back)
300 m row (arms)
500 m row (everything)

(3x)
10 push-ups with stability roll
10 ring pull-ups
20 lateral bridges

Workout (3x)
10 shoulder press (52#)
10 pistols
20 Rockys

Saturday, May 3
Warmup (3x)
1000m row
10 push-ups with stability roll
15 arch thumps (I can’t really rock, so it’s more of a thump)
20 squats

Workout (3x)
10 pull-ups (purple band)
30 squats
50 medicine ball twists

Time:  27:48

Okay, so someone here needs to address the Issue of the new timer.  When I first saw it on Wednesday, it was sitting innocently in the front corner.  I didn’t worry about it much, since Becca was there with her eagle-eye, exhorting me to “keep going!” every time I took a rest.  (This ability of hers is a gift – she definitely has more than just two eyeballs in her head.)

However, on Saturday, it was in a new spot – and somehow, everything I did seemed to be facing it.  This new timer – the Super Highly-Illuminated Timer, or SHIT, for short – continued its inexorable ticking up as I watched.  When I needed to take a short rest to finish my set of pull-ups, the big SHIT taunted me with its continued time increase.  My “I just need 3 seconds to rest, then I can finish” was a crock, as the SHIT seems to count three seconds much faster than I.  If I’d had any strength left at all after I finished, I would happily have wrenched it from the wall and thrown it, thereby, of course, having the SHIT hit the fan.

Thursday, May 1
HIKING!

For the first time since I strained my calf, I went for a hike!  It was only about 2 miles, but it was up and down hills!  I definitely felt the stretch and a couple of times I felt a little weakness in the muscle, but I was still able to make it all the way home.  (Note to self:  Next time, build house at BOTTOM of hill, so that the return trip is not UPHILL.  Man, that driveway looked steep and long when I finally returned.)

I then had homemade cinnamon rolls for dinner, negating any positive effects from the hike. 

I now find myself amused by the “Uses of CrossFit in Daily Life” running tally that I’m keeping in my head.  (Hey, there’s lots of empty space up there these days, so why not?) It’s actually rather surprising how many opportunities there are (see “water cooler refilling” from 4/30). Then there was the time I found myself at work holding onto a railing, dangling over a 2 story drop, and had to haul myself up onto the ledge (don’t ask, don’t ask).  This was accomplished versus some weird kipping, sideways, pull-up thing – but it worked. 

Or the 110 pound dog who had collapsed on the hiking trail and had to be carried down by his owner and me (a furry Farmer’s walk).  Or the speed and agility I showed last night with the scorpion (don’t ask, don’t ask).  Or when I had to hop upstairs on one foot with bags of groceries, in some weird 1-armed step jump thing because of my strained calf.  (Okay, plus one point for the “weighted step jumps” but minus one point for the fact that the strain itself was caused by working out.  Yeah, maybe that one isn’t a good example.)

So, the conclusion of all of this mental exertion? 

I like cinnamon rolls.

Wednesday, April 30
Warmup – 3x
10 dips
10 OH squats with PVC
20 lateral bridges

Workout – 3x
10 squats 15# db’s
30 hollow rocks
10 1-armed OH squats with 10#
20 arch rocks

Time:  10:34

Okay, so I totally and completely weenied out on the squats.  However, I’m still trying to strengthen my bad calf, so I do NOT want to re-strain it!  Never was the disparity between the two so obvious as on the one-armed squats – one side was not bad at all, but I really struggled on the other side.  That’s why I dropped the weight down so much – the bad leg was really working… but not TOO much.  A heartfelt thanks to Becca for coming up with that special little slice of heaven.  No, really, Becca.  Thank you.  I’ll remember you for this.  I mean that.

As a side note, I appear to be The Only Person capable of changing the water in our cooler at work.  5 gallon water bottle; 8.33 pounds/gallon roughly, for a whopping 41.65 pounds.  Golly.  I could do that even before I started CF; now it’s just remarkably easy.  Clearly, I’m surrounded by weenies.  Note to self:  add push-ups to my interviewing requirements for new employees.

Oh, wait!  I’m RETIRING in 12 days!  Now I have this image of an entire company of weak, dehydrated people, sadly staring at the full water bottles on the floor, unable to figure out how to make the water come out of it.  HAHAHAHA! 

Oh, and to the nice young man who, after completing the Level 2/3 workout before me, made some comment about “Man, that was tough!  I feel like I’m 50 years old!” … Just wait.  Someday, you, too, will be 50, and I can only hope that some young punk makes the exact same comment to you.  *pffft*

Monday, April 28
Walked up and down my driveway.  Seriously.  Okay, that doesn’t sound like much (although it’s more daunting than it seems, because I live on a hill, and the driveway is both long and steep), but when you lack flexibility and strength in one calf, it’s challenging.  I made a real effort to extend my heel toward the ground when walking uphill.  (Normally, I don’t, but the point of this exercise was to *stretch*.)

I then started mapping a plan to get those darned shoulder presses to 85 pounds in the next 5 weeks.  Okay, a “plan” is a little more grandiose than it sounds.  It’s pretty simple; I have 5 weeks to add 20 pounds.  If I can increase 5 pounds per week, I make it.  (Naturally, any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!)

Week 1 – work on FORM!  This alone should net me a 5 pound increase.  Right now, I’m delicately and gingerly lifting the weight above my head.  A little momentum would go a long way toward an extra 5 pounds.  So, first off, don’t worry about adding weight; just practice (including with an un-weighted stick) to get that explosive movement.  Fortunately, this is a much simpler lift than the Olympic weightlifting, so getting form right won’t take as long.  (Right.  Tell that to my incredibly inflexible shoulders, which do NOT understand why I persist in forcing them behind my ears.)

Week 2 – add 5 pounds.  Get up to 70# this week.  Also work on shoulder flexibility – continue to get my arms comfortable with the range of motion.

Week 3 - back to form.  Don’t worry about the number; just make sure I’m getting every last bit of power out of the movement.

Week 4 – back to the weight!  I need to hit 75# this week.  80# would be great.

Week 5 – Give it a shot!

Jonesy said that this is doable for me.  I really enjoy working on weights with him, which seems so very counter-intuitive.  There’s something incredibly humbling about getting my heavy (to me) weight bar set up, and then having him nonchalantly hand it to me as though it was a paperclip.  (Which, of course, to him, it is.) Makes me all that much more determined.

I also checked my new Vibram 5-finger shoes, and I believe that I somehow ended up with the exact same ones that he wears.  This, then, I find to be serendipitious and hopefully, portends success in my first weightlifting endeavor!

Hmmm… if I get to Week 4 and haven’t made as much progress as I’d like, perhaps I should pierce my ... ears?

Sunday, April 27
Warmup
1000 m row
10 push-ups
15 hollow rocks
20 squats

Shoulder press:
5 – 3 – 3 – 2 – 2 – 1 – 1
22# - 32# - 45# - 50# - 55# - 60# - 65# - 70# (miss)

21 – 15 – 9
Tricep dips
Squats
Chair sits (20 seconds)

I swear I can do 70# on the shoulder press.  I’m going way too slowly, which means it “sticks” at the halfway point.  Next time…

I also swear that the #*@^% chair sits completely and totally suck.  Obviously, I need to do this more often, since I’m completely inept.  And I have no doubt that those previously mentioned “Evil Ones” will take note of this and force me to do them often in the future.

I also ended up with some *spectacular* bruises on my hip bones (see “pointy and sharp” from 4/26 workout).  I fully intend to wear some sort of belly-baring shirt, to flash said bruises and, when asked about them, blush prettily and stammer, eyes downcast, “Well, I guess we just, you know, overdid it a bit"…

Now, if I can figure out how to work the pathetic-looking hands (see “*ouch* from 4/26 workout) into the story, I will have cemented my reputation prior to my retirement. *smirking*

Saturday, April 26
Warmup
1000 m row
3X:
10 push-ups
15 sit-ups
20 squats

Workout: AMRAP in 20 minutes
10 - sideways rolls
15 – pull-ups (purple band – no black one today!)
20 – squats

4-1/3.  Ugh.  It’s those darned rolls… I’m way too pointy and sharp to be able to do these with any speed, and certainly with no grace at all.  Also ripped open my hands on the pull-ups - *ouch*.  The last set was even more delightfully fun than usual as a result.

However, I rowed with BOTH legs today!  Hooray!  I couldn’t get much range of motion, but at least I was able to do something.  Yes, people, this is what you have to look forward to when you get to my age – being excited that you can row *with both feet*!  Forget about all of the PR’s; just being able to WALK is a great feat.

And so it is.  Perhaps in my quest for improvement, I forget how wonderful it is simply to be able to do these things with any ability at all.  Not everyone can.  (Yes, yes, J, we can continue to quibble over whether people are truly “incapable” or merely “unwilling”; you’ll eventually lose the argument, so why not simply give up now?  I’ve been winning these sorts of discussions since long before you were BORN, child.)

And so, for today, my greatest accomplishment, the one that I feel the very best about is… walking again.  In only three weeks.  Because, for once, I took my recovery at the right pace.  I listened to my body, slowed down and let myself heal, ignoring all the things my head said I NEEDED to be doing.  At full-speed.  Right this instant.

Perhaps that is the most valuable lesson of all.

Wednesday PF Beginner’s Weightlifting

Still don’t have a completely functioning leg, so I substituted shoulder presses for the hang power snatches.

5-5-5-5-5
25#, 35#, 40#, 45#, 50#

1 – 55#
1 – 60#

I was so pleased with the progression (mostly because I started out WAAAYYY too light) that I tried adding a bit just to see where I could go.  I might have been able to go to 65#, but I didn’t want to lose the weight and try to step back quickly – my leg still can’t handle that.

Becca pointed out the 1RM numbers on the board – they range from 80-90 pounds for women.  I might actually have a shot at getting up there!  Woo-hoo!

And, again, I was absolutely amazed at how wonderful the people at PF are.  As someone who has spent a career fixing “unhealthy” businesses, to find a well-run facility that somehow manages to encourage competition without ego is astonishing.  I’m going to miss that when I leave! Perhaps I’ll just make recordings of the encouraging words - I could hook that up to a voice-activated and/or time-based system that will, when prompted or at a particular time, replay “Good job, Cindy!” or “5 more seconds!  You can do it!”.  Hmmm… perhaps a new business model here, licensing personalized PF trainer audio?

Yeah.  I need to retire… clearly, my brain is going.

---We’re all here, because we’re not all there… ----

Sunday, April 20:

Warmup (3X):
10 push-ups
15 sit-ups
20 lateral bridges

Workout (3X):
250M (1-legged rowing still)
21 – arch rocks
15 – chest presses (20# dumbbells)
9 – knees to elbows

Who came up with the whole “hang from a bar and pull your knees up to your elbows” idea?  Seriously, what’s wrong with just “hang from a bar”?  (muttering darkly)

Reading other people’s workout logs is often depressing – makes me feel weak and underachieving.  Being forcibly slowed down by not being able to #!$@* WALK has put me even more behind schedule and is beginning to frustrate me.  With only 19 days of work and 48 days total left (yes, yes, I’m still counting!) to do everything that needs to be done before I retire and move, trying to keep up with my customary pace of life (which is insane, anyway) is… nuts.  However, I just read Carolyn’s workout log and I realized she’s quite right – it IS okay to adjust at certain times of your life. 

Mind you, I *am* nuts and, in fact, more than willing to push myself even farther.  But, her blog reminded me that CrossFit is a journey and that someday – 49 days, to be precise – I’ll have all the time in the world to focus on it.  Until then, trying to push myself to the max while I’m sleeping little, eating poorly and, in general, just not at my best is not only nuts, it’s very probably stupid.

Which I try not to be.

So, to all of you with your great workout times and your weights and everything else… just wait.  Because those of us who are quietly arranging our lives, trying to get through our crazy days and nights but planning for that time when things settle down for us… someday, we’re going to make TIME.

And then we’re going to seriously kick your butts.  And we will enjoy it.

You have been warned.

*smiling, as always*

Warmup – 3X
10 push-ups
10 sit-ups with AbMat
20 plank-ups
Several minutes hobbling around on my cane to loosen up my calf (Okay, this doesn’t really count, but truly, it SHOULD)

Workout - 3X
10 pullups (purple & black bands)
20 seated shoulder presses (15# dumbbells)
30 ring pullups
40 sit-ups with AbMat
50 medicine ball rotations

Today, I figured out something about the PF instructors.  Think about it – Andy, walking around like some merry, giggling elf, Becca, smiling sweetly while exhorting me to keep going, Jonesy, perkily counting down the reps reminding me “You can do it!”… they all seem so very pleasant and happy, don’t they?  Smiling, laughing, cheerfully leading class…

Do not let this fool you.

These are cruel, horrible people.  Oh, I’m sure they really BELIEVE, in their shriveled little black hearts, that they’re doing good things for you.  I’ve even been told that it’s really ME who is putting myself through this – they have nothing to do with the pain being inflicted.  I am no longer blinded by this.  I recognize them for what they are.

And, hopefully, someday, I’ll be just like them.

*smiling*